Have Eternal Gratitude...
In December we welcomed a third blessing, our newest prince Lyons. Our little nugget's story in a nutshell is this: he arrived a bit early with a bit of excitement. Little man arrived with the cord wrapped twice around his neck, with not much of a squeal. I held him for about 10minutes or so before they took him to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). Through a rough delivery, he had acquired a blood infection (sepsis) and a lung infection (pneumonia) that made it hard for him to manage on his own. Without a baby in my hospital room after such a long hard painful delivery, I was feeling empty like I had just been robbed, when I received a visit asking permission to do a spinal tap to check for infection in his spine. What seemed like a very scary eternity later, his spine had been tested successfully and was clear. Praise God.
Our son was placed on antibiotics and doctors expressed hope in this rare case before them, as it was one seldom seen. The next challenge came when our son's one lung collapsed. Seems he had a pneumothorax, they cut open his small chest and inserted a tube under his left arm to successfully inflate his lung again. Amen, it worked. Our strong boy was administered drops of "Sweeties", a little sugar water infused with protein and vitamins. My husband noted it was like our hummingbird food, INDEED! He was our little hummingbird, strengthening to fly soon, I just knew it; Through small tubes, the sugar water helped to boost his immune system and was also placed on a pacifier to perk up his spirits when painful IV's were replaced and moved throughout his body. IV replacement was required often, his little arms and feet were running out of IV spots as days went by.
Poor guy wore a face mask/full cap/hat that looked like a Nacho Libre wrestling scene mask. It had tubes attached to his nose and mouth to help him be able to breathe since his lungs were fighting the pneumonia and newly inflated lung. Merry Christmas? My husband and I took a photo with our santa hats on by our new baby's crib, to show our kids at home that their new baby brother was going to be ok (fingers crossed, prayer groups in action everywhere). Baby also received a NICU arranged visit from Santa.
With small tubes running down his throat they were able to feed him the milk I provided around the clock. My solo hospital room stay (without a baby in it) felt sad and wrong, and leaving my solo room felt sad, leaving the hospital without a baby felt overwhelmingly sad. I was able to camp out at my parents who live close to the hospital. My kids had never seen so much time with Gigi and Poppop, they were so great, I missed them so much even though I saw them everyday. I was and am so grateful the opportunity my parents allowed myself and my husband time to be with our new son who fought for his life in critical care.
After days of amazing NICU care, and my husband and I standing over his body sending him healing love (reiki) without touching him, I walked in with a vision of holding him and sighed at the reality that I was not allowed to hold or touch him or stroke his soft little cheeks that stuck out of his mask where the velcro edges were oh so tight. We scrubbed up and walked to his plastic clear crib, to my surprise, the nurse asked "would you like to hold him?" I nearly fainted, started crying and said yes. Felt like THE best belated Christmas gift I could have. The tubes and wires monitoring his perfect little body made it a little challenging but I soaked it all in.
Nutshell: next day he rounded a corner. Human touch and sending love, work wonders. When they asked if I wanted to hold him again, I asked for permission to nurse him. Doctor said "why not?", his breathing seemed stable and they had planned to try to take off the breathing mask. Again I choked back the tears of excitement, I get to hold our son!!! And nurse him! I trembled with tears putting on the hospital gown while the nurses took steps to get baby out of the mask and all of his monitors and cords out of the crib area and over safely to me.
OH..MY..WORD...what a gorgeous son! They took off the mask and we were taken aback by his utter handsomeness, his greatness! Oh MY GOD, we are BLESSED BEYOND BELIEF, I know he is going to be ok and his soooooooo beautiful! That day was the start of his needing his breathing assistance mask less and less.
They started letting me change his diapers and take his temperature at visits. Caring for him felt incredible to me, FOR LIFE, I will grateful for his presence, for the ability to care for him; For life I will continue to be grateful for the presence of those I love in my life, and my ability to show them my love. To live gently, love unconditionally and let go easily, that is the purpose of life.
I began nursing him each visit. I raced to make schedules work to be there for him and for our children at home as well. My husband and I continued our healing visits: standing over him sending love through the energy of our hearts and hands. This I believe was critical to his health and existence. The NICU doctors and angelic nurses excellent care were critical to his existence. One night we were walking in to the hospital and as I was giving thanks to God in my head, for my son's ever improving health as he fought for his life, I walked passed a 6ft x 20ft long wall posted for donations to the hospitals renovations. The giant ceramic wall had many 3/4" small printed names listed but my eye went to a few names I know personally. I thank God for their donations that helped to create the new maternity wing, equipped with THE best doctors and THE best NICU in place to aide my son in his time of need, quickly enough to save his life, all in place ready to beat this. We have sincere gratitude, all of this also critical to our son's health and existence. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Give thanks and give it often. Through awareness we gain gratitude, through gratitude we SHINE.
It seemed like an eternity of traveling and nights without him, and THE loneliest night was one I tried to sleep at home 30 minutes from the hospital where baby slept...to come home without a baby is THE saddest experience and gives me compassion for all whose babies don't make it home. To me 10 days amount of time is astounding that a baby can be in such critical condition for most of it and to turn a corner so strong that he was well enough to be sent home.
I am eternally grateful for our 3rd child in our life. After 10 days without him we welcomed him into our family for the NEW YEAR. God bless this child and our family. Sometimes nature can be brutal, we have to be strong, and AS STRONG AS AN OX is he! He is now back to his birth weight finally and body thriving, lungs will continue to heal and clear with time.
For Christmas my husband bought me a bracelet with a blue topaz, representing our strong new son and his December birthstone. Today I looked it up and read some meanings that jumped out at me:
BLUE TOPAZ: used for healing many physical problems. The metaphysical properties of blue topaz will help spiritual matter. Blue topaz brings leadership ability and is associated with the upper chakras. Interesting as his throat was challenged by the cord and his lungs were labored by a plethora of things. Blue Topaz Stones are said to aide spiritual communication, help writers block, inspire creativity & enhanced public speaking. We shall see what his mission is in this life and what he is destined to share with others. So far he demonstrates great :
AWARENESS, STRENGTH, TENACITY and LOVE.
Wishing you and your family these same qualities in life...and ETERNAL GRATITUDE for each other...